Do you ever have that dream that you are standing in front of a crowded room naked, and no matter what you do you can’t seem to make yourself wake up? Me neither, but sometimes I imagine the feelings that I would feel in that dream are the same feelings that I feel everyday just doing life. I always seem to feel like the outsider that doesn’t really fit in to any one particular group of people. I love Jesus, but I cuss a little. I have 3 kids ages 2 and under with 1 more on the way, but I am not a stay at home mom. I am outspoken, yet I seek the approval of others in so many areas of my life. I don’t do well at keeping in touch with people even though I crave those close relationships. I can walk into a crowded room and make friends with everyone before I leave, but I love my alone time. I have 50,000 ideas bouncing around in my head on any given day at any given moment, yet I can’t seem to follow through on any of them. I often like to tell John it is because I’m a “Creative.”

But as I enter this new decade in my life, I making the decision to see and do things a little differently than I have over the last 30 years. It has taken me 30 years to realize the reason I have felt like an outsider in so many of these situations is because I have been coasting through life simply managing the expectations of others. The expectations that others put on me when I tell them I am a Christian. The expectations of what kind of mom I should be when I tell them about my kids. The expectations others have about our friendship. The expectations that I have for myself. In the last 2 years, especially, I have found myself so caught up in managing my own expectations that I began to lose sight of what God’s expectations were for my life. I lost sight of knowing and trusting that His expectations for me are so much greater than I could ever have for myself.

So I am stepping out and committing to trust with an unwavering trust. To believe when it doesn’t make sense. To know that God knows better than me.

THE END…

#loveyoulikepeaches